The relativist creed

An atheist worldview encourages relativism, with its insistence on removal of moral absolutes and rejection of truth claims. One of the finest expressions of self-defeating nature of relativism is the poem Creed, written in 1993 by English poet and music journalist Steve Turner. (The postscript, called Chance, was added later).

Personally, I prefer the Nicene.


Creed by Steve Turner

We believe in Marxfreudanddarwin
We believe everything is OK
as long as you don’t hurt anyone
to the best of your definition of hurt,
and to the best of your knowledge.
We believe in sex before, during, and
after marriage.
We believe in the therapy of sin.
We believe that adultery is fun.
We believe that sodomy’s OK.
We believe that taboos are taboo.
We believe that everything’s getting better
despite evidence to the contrary.
The evidence must be investigated
And you can prove anything with evidence.
We believe there’s something in horoscopes
UFO’s and bent spoons.
Jesus was a good man just like Buddha,
Mohammed, and ourselves.
He was a good moral teacher though we think
His good morals were bad.
We believe that all religions are basically the same-
at least the one that we read was.
They all believe in love and goodness.
They only differ on matters of creation,
sin, heaven, hell, God, and salvation.
We believe that after death comes the Nothing
Because when you ask the dead what happens
they say nothing.
If death is not the end, if the dead have lied, then it’s compulsory heaven for all
excepting perhaps
Hitler, Stalin, and Genghis Kahn
We believe in Masters and Johnson
What’s selected is average.
What’s average is normal.
What’s normal is good.
We believe in total disarmament.
We believe there are direct links between warfare and bloodshed.
Americans should beat their guns into tractors
and the Russians would be sure to follow.
We believe that man is essentially good.
It’s only his behavior that lets him down.
This is the fault of society.
Society is the fault of conditions.
Conditions are the fault of society.
We believe that each man must find the truth that
is right for him.
Reality will adapt accordingly.
The universe will readjust.
History will alter.
We believe that there is no absolute truth
excepting the truth
that there is no absolute truth.
We believe in the rejection of creeds,
And the flowering of individual thought.
If chance be
the Father of all flesh,
disaster is his rainbow in the sky
and when you hear:
State of Emergency!
Sniper Kills Ten!
Troops on Rampage!
Whites go Looting!
It is but the sound of man
worshipping his maker.


Related posts:

Living a good and/or Christian life

Children of God

Secular (in)Humanism


10 thoughts on “The relativist creed

  1. Relativism is such an utterly bankrupt theory. This “Creed” shows it, too. I mean, really, the relativist says you can believe what you want, but then says Jesus was just a good man. So can I believe He is God or not? Can I believe what I want? There are so many errors in such little space, it is astounding.

    • Turner is a great writer with a wonderful sense for satire. Since it was written tongue-in-cheek, I wish the creed didn’t ring so true to the relativist beliefs that are at large in society…

  2. “Creed” is one of my favorite pieces. What profound illustrative power. Maybe one of my favorite parts is about all religions believing the same. The problem is in its irony, it is so accurate. A recent Barna study pointed out that 60% of people who called themselves “born again” agreed that all major religions prayed to the same God just using different names. By the way, his list of religions included Buddhism which have no gods at all. Amazing!

  3. Because there’s absolutely no way to figure out what might work to keep people happy and healthy and what won’t other than if a voice from the sky tells us? Sorry, don’t buy it.

      • People ignore those who are absolutely convinced god is talking to them, and they often end up getting killed by the god believers. That is nasty craziness.

        Also the simple fact that you ignore the rules in the old testament that tell you to kill your children for disobeying but listen to others indicate you’re using some method of figuring out what is good and what isn’t that isn’t god based.

      • NotAScientist :

        Also the simple fact that you ignore the rules in the old testament that tell you to kill your children for disobeying but listen to others indicate you’re using some method of figuring out what is good and what isn’t that isn’t god based.

        That’s a seriously shallow theology you’re presenting there.

        I’m not ignoring anything: I’m taking it all on board and considering all of it. But there’s nothing in the Old Testament that tells me to kill my children for disobedience (and not just because I don’t have children yet). The Bible is a big and complicated book, but it needs to be understood as a whole. Taking passages out of context and arbitrarily forcing them into my life would be ridiculous.

  4. Pingback: There’s no “I” in “Atheism” « Spiritual Meanderings

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  6. The percent of Atheists in prison in America is much lower than the percentage of Christians in prison. That means, even if you take the difference in population into account, Atheists still tend to be more law abiding. Belief in God and belief in morality are two different questions. If someone says that without God watching them, they would rape and murder, aren’t they worse than the Atheist who manages to be good without needing God?

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